We will now begin to see the step needed to keep from committing adultery. Indeed, any sexual intimacy must be contained with the covenanted and committed bounds of marriage between one man and one woman. Outside of this, sex and intimacy is misused and destroyed of its meaning and purpose. Therefore, Solomon is telling his son to be aware of the immoral woman, whether single or married (Proverbs 5:1-6). He instructs them on what to do and what happens if they fail (Proverbs 5:7-14) and today in Proverbs 5:15-20, we find the key to help protect that intimacy between a husband and wife.


With that being said, let us begin. Starting in Proverbs 5:15, how is the son, and we as male readers, protect our bodies, our mind, our life, and our marriages (if we are married)? Here we have the first and foremost is the picture of a cistern and well. Both convey the same meaning, both are very powerful.

A cistern is a storage “tank” for water. It allows homeowners to collect rain water and draw from that rainwater during times of drought. Modern day cisterns range from 100 to tens of thousands of gallons and the average is around five thousand gallons of water. It is from this unit that gardens are able to be supplied with water, that the homes can get the water to cook, bathe, drink, etc. Full self sufficiency is the name of the game here. The water coming from the cistern is meant for the one home. The one property. The one garden. Not multiple. The powerful thing about a cistern is that for cities, it allowed them to survive long sieges. This cistern was for that home. The neighbor had no right to the cistern that was not theirs. The well is a common thing we know of. It draws water up from the ground and allows the city and people to draw from the well for drinking, watering of animals, gardens, etc.

In Israel, both were vital for an important reason. During the dry seasons, many wells would dry up and water would be lost. A cistern would then be the backup for that well. In a siege of the city, the wells would be outside the walls, the cistern would be the backup. But in Proverbs, the call is for the individual to partake in their own well and cistern. To draw from it their own needs. The application is obvious. Men, your wife is your own. You are to draw from her what you are needing and not go looking elsewhere. You have no right to another man’s wife, nor should you draw from a foreign well (immoral woman). Failure to do so will cause a breakdown of your own family.

Proverbs 5:16 asks a very vital question. How many homes and wives are destroyed because of we, men, who run to other places? How many wives are lost because the man decides he wants to pursue after an immoral woman whether married or not? There are several websites online that are support for those who find themselves in this situation and the stories and devastation are real. Often it is said that the feeling is much like a traumatic loss. Absolutely so! When a cistern or well is destroyed, and the water flows out, it is a major blow! The water is lost and is wasted, hence it is lost in the streets.

Proverbs 5:17 then makes the case, let these two things be only for yourself. Do not share it or desire to share it. There is a movement now called swingers, or orgies (both have some crossover but different in approaches). Swingers share their spouses with other couples. Orgies have multiple involved in the intimacy. The world makes this look and sound fun. Again, the damage and destruction done is absolutely devastating. Not only is there their the destruction of God’s plan for marriage and sexual intimacy, but there are many other risks that fall under this: STD’s, attractions that lead to divorces, jealousy, envy, further perversions to that which God said was meant to be good, and many other things. That is what this verse is guarding against. Be monogamous. Have your own wife.

Proverbs 5:18 then brings this home. Your fountain is blessed. Not your neighbors. Yours is the one that will bring the joy and blessing of life. Water is necessary for life and a well and cistern provide that. Your wife is how God designed the marriage to bring forth life. It is, as Pastor Chuck Davis once said,

The only part we as mere humans have any shared point in creation is in conception.

The children that come because of the sexual union between a father and mother who love one another and are committed to one another is a beautiful thing! That is the blessing. But this blessing in the marriage consists of joy, safety, peace, and mutual love and respect given to one another. Outside is nothing but cursed existence. That is why there is to be the rejoicing with the wife of your youth.

There is something about marrying your wife when she is in her prime. Giving to each other your younger, more energizing self. Being fruitful and multiplying. Sharing your life together. Today many are putting off marriage for many reasons (some being that the men are not maturing and would rather live at home like a baby than be a man. The women, because of feminism pursue after a dream of death only to discover to late that their actions in their youth affect the options in the future). Satan has sure done a number on men and women, confusing their God given complimentary roles by dangling a carrot in front of them. I address some of this in the last blog so would recommend reading some of that and doing research on what is being discovered now with the desire for a return to more traditional roles for both men and women.

But marrying your wife when you are both young. Giving to each other only that which is reserved for one another, and being satisfied with one another, is amazing! Then putting a child in the mix, or children, and that becomes the recipe for happiness and contentedness. Our society has made it much harder for single income families, but it is still possible if it is planned and done right. But if that is not possible, then both husband and wife must be committed to being for and with each other and remain faithful to each other.

Then we come to Proverbs 5:19. Our society today is saturated with sex. It is from everything, including commercials to sell hamburgers (Why? I don’t know.) But this passage tells us, men, how to view our wife. As a loving deer and graceful doe. There is a picture here of that which is not as strong as say a bear. But if you have never had a chance to pet a doe, take the time to do so at a petting zoo. There is a gracefulness to it, a calmness. Indeed an amazing thing to try and experience. When I was growing up, my older brother found a couple of fawns in the field. He brought them home and for a few hours we were able to play with them. I still remember how that was and it was an experience for sure. Men, your wife is not a bear. She is like a doe, a deer. You are to love her as such. But before running after fantasy sex that is portrayed on T.V. (it is interesting they never show the fall out) let your wife satisfy you. Let her body be where you go. Song of Solomon 4:5; 7:3; 8:14 also gives deeper pictures of this love between a husband and wife.

There are men who only want to use and lose women. They want the body but not the commitment. For the ladies out there, watch out for these men. They are absolutely useless. But, ladies, do not follow the lead of feminism. That will only cause you to miss out on a fulfilling role of being a wife and mother. Instead, allow the Holy Spirit to bring to your life the man you are to marry. Save yourself for him, and then allow yourself to be given to him. He in turn will (He should) be the godly man he is to be be if you seek for a man who is following the Scripture. But do not withhold yourself from your husband unless you both agree (1 Corinthians 7:5). Men, be the Godly man you are supposed to be. See what the Bible says for you to be and then live it. There is much in Scripture about husbands and wives and the world will do all it can to twist it.

Husband, let your wife satisfy you. What you watch on T.V, what you see on the net, what you see paraded around is nothing but an empty shill for having a wife at home who will love you and be there for you. Be there for her as well. But the last part is also telling.

Intimacy is not just physical. Intimacy is also emotional, mental, and social as well. Be enraptured by her love(Proverbs 5:19). That means to live in her love. To exist in her love. Sin will destroy that, so both you and your wife must be on guard. The failure to do exactly this is the reason the children of Israel were facing judgment – Malachi 2:14. Does this mean everything goes perfectly or easy? No, but if you are both committed and are able and willing to work things out, sometimes even having help, then it is absolutely important that you both stay in each other’s love.

Enrapture is a word that is used 22x in the Old Testament. It is as follows:

Unintentionally – Leviticus 4:13; Numbers 15:22

Wander – Deuteronomy 27:18; Psalm 119:10

Erred – 1 Samuel 26:21; Job 6:24; 19:4; Isaiah 28:7

Shageh – 1 Chronicles 11:34

Deceiver – Job 12:16

Stray – Psalm 119:21, 118; Proverbs 19:27

Enraptured – Proverbs 5:19-20

Astray – Proverbs 5:23; 20:1; 28:10

Err – Isaiah 28:7

Wandered – Ezekiel 34:6

Sinned – Ezekiel 45:20

The point being here is to be captured by, to be enamored by her. We have pictures of this being put on display – Genesis 26:8; 2 Samuel 12:3; Ecclesiastes 9:9. This is fitting, especially in Ecclesiastes for Solomon, who wrote what we are studying, sought for meaning in women and love. His ending result is what we read here. Your wife, men, is to be your one place that you go to and you give her your love and are captured by her love. Not the smile and winks of others.

This is exactly what Proverbs 5:20 says. Why be enraptured (astray, err, wander, sin) by the immoral woman, or be found in the embrace of a seductress? The answer is you do not want to be. Failure to heed and follow Proverbs 5:15-20 will end up being trapped in Proverbs 5:9-14!

But now we want to draw a final conclusion. Ladies, if you are married, I want to encourage you to give of your whole self to your husband. If this has not been a normal practice, then it will be hard, but read through the Scriptures about marriage, wives, etc. If you want a home that is peaceful, fulfilling, and real, then you must take these steps. Do not feel you must be a doormat, but understand your role in the home. If you are younger, give yourself to your husband. Do not expect him to be the traditional husband if then you run around or chase others around. That will never work and will destroy what you have.

Ladies, if you are not married, purpose right now you are going to exhibit the Scriptural roles God has laid out. Please understand that the “roles” the world puts forth is not fulfilling. They are empty and hollow. Feminism is not femininity. God designed you and purposed you for something great. But you have to follow His plans for you, not your own or the worlds.

For all ladies, remember, God designed your husband/future husband, men, with a masculine trait. You cannot tell or expect him to accept “Toxic Masculinity” but then be masculine when you need him to be. First, ditch the term ‘toxic masculinity’ and recognize the beauty and ingeniousness of God’s created order when He designed men. But ladies, if you want a traditional husband, you yourself must be a traditional wife.

Men, if you are married, you must give of yourself to your wife. That means you must be the man God designed and called for you to be. If you are still being the man child, I have one charge: GROW UP. It is God’s plan for you to be the man, the leader, the masculine head God wants from you. That means you give of yourself to your wife. If you have not done this, or you are acting like your wife is your mother, then you must change. She will not respect you, other men will not respect you, and you are living contrary to God’s role for you. God even planned for men to have time away from life to please his wife (Deuteronomy 24:5). If God felt it was that important, why then do you not make this a priority yourself?

Men, if you are not married, understand there is no such thing as toxic masculinity. That is a term of the world and it is useless and empty. There are bad men who do bad things but the future wife God has for you is going to want you to have these masculine traits. Ditch the fear of being called ‘toxic’. You’re a man and so what? Toss away the attack and be who God created you to be. Embrace your masculinity!

Understand, for all men, that God designed your wife/future wife with a femininity trait you do not have. Rejoice and praise God for that. He designed her to be different than you. Therefore, take your roll which God designed for you, as the man, and fulfill it with the leading of the Holy Spirit, and the guidance of the Word of God. Please understand, if you want a traditional wife who will do what she is supposed to, you must take the traditional role of the husband and do what you must do. Then and only then will we see the satisfaction in marriage. Men, you will have a happier life and a happier wife at home. Ladies, you will have a man you can look up to, be proud of, and you both can rejoice and praise God that He brought you two together.

I wish to close with a quote that I heard in some research and I thought it powerful. Please listen closely. Someone once said,

Many want the happily ever after ending but do not want to put the grunt work into the wedding at the beginning. There can be no fairy tale ending if there is not first the labor to build the marriage in the beginning.

Powerful truth that too many either ignore or avoid.